2015 - All Things New

The last few years have each held a theme for me, something that I've tried to focus on during the year, a specific area where I need to grow and allow the Lord to work in me.  You can check out the last few here.

This year is going to be quite the year in my life.  It's going to be a year full of beginnings and adventures and a lot of firsts.  And those are things I know are coming down the pipeline.  Who can guess what else the Lord has in store that I don't know about yet!  In light of all the beginnings on the horizon, this year is new.

2015 - All Things New

There are lots of very tangible new things happening in my life this year.  Probably the biggest and most significant is that I'm getting married in nine weeks.  This is the biggest new adventure I've ever undertaken, and I can't wait to take it on with my fiancé!  It still seems a bit surreal a lot of the time, but I am blown away by the Lord's blessings on our lives and the gift he has given to each of us in each other.  We're very excited about our new life together, but we're certain it won't come without challenges.  New things present new hardships that we don't always get to see coming.  I've never been a wife before, so I'll have to navigate lots of new waters over the coming months and years.

Along with the new adventure of marriage, a lot of other changes will follow suit.  I'll be moving to a new place to live.  I've been at ChezMK for over six and a half years now - longer than I've ever lived anywhere before, so going somewhere else is going to be a big change!  We're still picking out a place to live, so it's fun to dream about what the new place will be like.  I'll get to rearrange furniture! (One of my favorite things to do!)  I'll get to have a dining room table!  Lots of little newnesses will come along with having a new home.

Along with a new home will come a new roommate (my soon-to-be husband, of course). But I've shared my home with my current wonderful roommate for so long!  Miranda has been a huge blessing to me and one of the biggest reasons I've enjoyed my post-college years so much.  Her friendship has been (and surely will continue to be) invaluable, but there will be a new chapter of our post-roommate relationship beginning in a few weeks.  We won't get to have the same lazy Saturday mornings where I roll out of bed and put baked oatmeal in the oven for our breakfast or make sweet tea runs to Chickfila together (as often).  We won't share a Christmas tree or host MND together.  But we'll still get to join each other for morning runs and have lunch dates and throw themed parties together! Our friendship will take on a new pace and feel, and hopefully it will be no less of a source of sweetness in our lives.

These are just a couple specific news that are happening in my life this year.  There will certainly be others, but the idea is the same.  Lots of changes are coming down the pipeline.  I love variety and change and new adventures, but they can be a bit scary and overwhelming at times, too.  These are the words of scripture I have been playing over and over in my mind as I've thought about All Things New and the changes coming in my life this year.  

Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 

The new beginnings of this year remind me of the newness we have in Christ.  When he draws us to himself, he gives new life.  He has wonderful plans for us.  We get to leave the past behind and run forward into the fullness of life the Lord desires for us.  This requires us to embrace forgiveness and trust the Lord's best for us.  I sometimes struggle with forgiving myself, so I tend to hold on to guilt and shame which keeps me from the best of the new, full life the Lord offers.  So sometimes really living in the newness of Christ is hard for me.  I want to get better at that.

This year, as I face so many new beginnings, I also want to fully embrace the new life Christ offers, trusting him at his word that he forgives and forgets has an abundance of joy to offer me!

Will 2015 be a year of new for you, too?

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One Year

I recently came across this on Pinterest.

Could this be any more true in my life?

A year ago today, a chapter ended that I didn't want to end.  I didn't see how there was going to be a happy ending if that chapter was over.  I knew it could happen, but I just didn't see how just yet.

I am so thankful for time.  For perspective.  For healing. 

Fast forward from that day one year ago to today.  I am immeasurably thankful that chapter is over.  Because I didn't know it then, but there was a much more amazing story to be written in my life, and last year's chapter had to end so this one could begin.  

Days like today are such a good reminder to me that the Lord is ultimately in control and truly does have a bigger and better plan than we can see.  Even now I'm sure I don't know what seeds are being planted today in order that they might blossom beautifully in the days to come.  Either way, I can trust the heartbreaks, joys, disappointments, and celebrations in life to the God of both individual moments and the whole picture.  He has a plan for the highest highs and the lowest lows and is weaving them together in our lives for his glory.  How I respond to them is the only part I can control, and how I choose to face each day can bring even more glory to him.

2 Thessalonians 1:11-12 (ESV) says this:

 To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

What a great reminder that the Lord is always at work, fulfilling his plan for me that he will be glorified!

So how was this time last year different for you?  Can you see how the Lord was writing a beautiful story in your life? Are you choosing to glorify the Lord in the midst of whatever it is you're facing today, looking forward to being able to see the bigger picture as time goes on and perspective changes?

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Falling into Sweater Weather

Though a few days this week are still topping out above the 80 degree mark, September is here and with it is coming cool nights and not-so-hot days.  I adore fall and the crispness in the air, pumpkin everything (Despite its rampant trendiness that usually makes me stop liking something, I'm still a fan.  Even the PSL.  Though I've only had one and will probably not have any more because after tax the grande I got topped $5.  Unacceptable.), layering up with sweaters and boots, all the amazing candle scents that came out months ago but are only appropriate to start burning now, and the reminiscence that always seems to come with the season.

But as much as I love autumn (#autumnbliss is a favorite hashtag), I'm still mourning the end of summer.  Summer was full of fun and traveling and sunshine and tan lines (that only stay visible for a couple weeks max when you're as pale as I am) and smiles and memories, and I'm not sure I'm ready to let that go.  

There's nothing like a last hoorah to finish out a great summer though.  And this year it was a beach trip/family visit combo.  Not only did I get to spend a handful of sunny days in the Outer Banks with some great friends, but I got to make a marathon of a road trip (read: one fifteen-hour-drive day and two eight-hour-drive days for the return with only two days in between) to meet my brand new, oh-so-lovely, week-old niece.  Playing in the waves and lounging by the pool can only be improved by snuggling a sweet new little one a couple days later.  It was maybe the best week of events ever. 

Beach days with my crew!

Sometimes I feel like I spend my life in a car or a plane or somewhere besides my own house, but I love the craziness of traveling from place to place.  This next month is going to be no exception since trips to Pennsylvania, Minnesota, and Florida are peppering my calendar.  

Amid the hectic travel schedule, this fall is bringing new opportunities to learn and grow.  Last night marked the beginning of a new Bible study my ladies group is doing for the next several weeks that promises to be a challenge in all the best ways.  There are books to be read, people to learn to love better, places to visit, and obstacles to embrace.  Last week I was reading in the book of Philippians, and found these words to be encouraging and a good reminder as I look forward to the busyness of the days set before me:

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

No matter how crazy things get or how much I might feel like I'm not making any progress, I can have assurance that my Lord is not done with me yet.  I can hope in expectant confidence that every day is one day closer to the day I will be complete in Christ.  I'm so much looking forward to that day!

So here's to the sun setting on a beautiful summer and the start of a delightful autumn. 

Nothing beats a sunset over the water.

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Keep Walking

I have a wonderful friend who I meet every week to talk together, encourage each other, and challenge each other.  We usually try to add a little structure to our weekly meetings by reading through a book together.  We've gone through all kinds of reads together, and right now we're tackling Believing God by Beth Moore.  One of the chapters I read for our meeting today really resonated with me, so I thought I'd share a little about it here.  Maybe it will have an impact on you, too.

The chapter is called "Believing God When Routine Follows Revelation."  Sometimes we have big moments with God.  But usually we don't.  Most of our lives are made up with the "normal" times in between the A HA! moments.  Most of the time we just have to keep going with what we know we should do without any major indicators we're on the right track, just trusting that we are being faithful and that it will ultimately be rewarded.  While talking about Joshua leading God's people in their fight against Jericho by walking (seemingly for no reason) over and over around the city walls, Beth says:

Sometimes God requires us to follow a fair amount of repetition for a considerable amount of time until He deems a season complete.  Then all of the sudden He seems to do something profound or miraculous, and we can't figure out what changed.

We may not see any value in the repetitive walking around the wall, but there is value in it because God told them to do it.  The great thing about this specific example from Joshua is that God told the Israelites the outcome.  He gave them a seven-day plan to follow with the guarantee that if they followed the plan, they would win the battle and overtake the city.  Unfortunately, however, we don't usually get such a prescriptive outline from the Lord about the battles we face.  We don't get the timeline for when we'll have this need met or that longing fulfilled.  We just have to trust that we need to do what the Lord has called us to do right here, right now, and he will take care of knocking down the wall that is in the way.  To this Beth says:

God often directs us to keep walking around that Jericho day after day, repeating the same fundamental steps while nothing seems to happen.  Oh, it will.  We must never stop believing it will.  But in the meantime, we've got to keep walking and keep circling no matter how many times we've done it before and no matter how many times we're yet to do it.

She goes on to discuss that regularity and repetition are not bad things but are important fundamentals of our faith.  Nor do they require that creativity and passion are set aside.  She explains:

God likes order.  He likes repetition.  A God of fundamentals, He brings up the sun every morning and the moon every evening, but His creativity within that order is gorgeously displayed in the changing sunsets and sunrises surrounding them.  The same is true for us.  Faithfulness in our Christian walk requires order, some black-and-white fundamentals, but within that order is glorious room for color and creativity.

Being faithful can seem mundane or tiresome at times, but it is always worth it.  The reward may be just around the next corner or may not be revealed on this side of eternity, but it will be rewarded.  Remember these words from Galatians 6:9 (ESV)

Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

I needed this truth today.

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April Showers

Happy April!

I don't do April Fool's Day, so sorry to disappoint.  Nothing funny or clever here this morning!

It's hard to believe 2014 is already a quarter over, but I am looking forward to this month for several reasons including but not limited to:

• It's my birthday month.
• I'm going to become a legit aunt this month.
• It's getting warm and that means spring.
• April showers bring May flowers.
• I like flowers.
• I've decided to read the whole New Testament this month.

I realize it's not such a huge feat, but I'm really looking forward to it.  My Bible reading has been lacking focus for the past couple months, so I decided to do something to kick start me into a better routine.  

There are 260 chapters in the New Testament, so I'm reading 9 chapters each day except Sundays when I'll read 7.  That will leave me with only 7 chapters on the last day of April, too.  

Today's chapters (Matthew 1-9) were full of rich teaching (This section includes the sermon on the mount), and this was one of the verses that stood out most to me.

I'd love to hear about how you like to read the Bible and if you have some kind of plan that you use.  Would you share your ideas with me?  I have a kind of short attention span; I like to try different things, so I'd love your suggestions!

Bring on the April showers in anticipation of May's flowers!

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2014 - Immanuel, God with Us

This past Christmas was an interesting one for several reasons.  Certainly, it was a joyous time of celebrations with family and friends.  Yet at times, in the midst of these celebrations, I felt a tinge of loneliness.  While praying through this loneliness during a season that's supposed to be all smiles and warm, fuzzy happiness, God whispered in my ear, "I came."  I came for you.  I came for you when you felt alone.  

In the midst of the loneliness of the world in sin and in need of a Savior, God showed up in person.  He came to fill the longing in our hearts and the sadness in our souls.  He is the ultimate cure for the loneliness of mankind.  He continues to be with us day in and day out along the journey of life.  This year, I want to live in light of his presence.  Immanuel, God with us.  He came.  When we needed him most, he stepped in.

I think the implications of this truth on my life are many, but I want to focus on a couple specifically this year.  The first implication of God's omnipresence on which I want to set my heart is his constant companionship.   

Throughout the Bible, there are many times when God promises to be there for us and not to leave us on our own:

It is the Lord who goes before you.  He will be with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.  Do not fear or be dismayed. Deuteronomy 31:8

And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age. Matthew 28:20

No matter what I may face, I will never have to face it alone.  Sometimes I may feel alone, but God's word says otherwise:  I am never alone.  As I walk through days that might seem filled with loneliness or filled with community, I can always have confidence in the Lord's presence.  

The second implication of Immanuel on which I want to focus this year is the accountability of the Lord's presence.  Having a consistent awareness to God's presence in my life should hold me to a higher standard of conduct and a greater desire for personal holiness.  Would I make the same choices if I was keenly aware of Christ's presence in the room?  Would I do what I do if Jesus was watching?  Well, he is watching, and I need to live in light of this presence.

You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Psalm 139:2-3

Nothing escapes the Lord's awareness and his knowledge.  He knows the choices I make; he is there watching me make them.  This makes me desire to live in a way that will honor his presence in my life.

So, this year, I want to find comfort and conviction in his presence because he came.

Immanuel, God with us.  God with me.

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Wait on the Lord

Hard things happen, things we don't always understand or can't control.  These words from Psalm 37 have been a special blessing to me over the last few weeks as I have faced some hard things.  

This is a beautiful reminder to stay committed to the Lord, trusting him that his purposes are being fulfilled despite my limited understanding.  I love the promise of the Lord's steadfast love in the midst of challenges; I never have to face anything on my own!

It's also a good reminder not to try to manipulate a situation to turn out the way you want it, but instead to trust the Lord and let him work it out.  The temptation is to be impatient, to get angry, to worry.  But we are called to trust, delight, commit, be still, wait patiently, fret not, refrain from anger.  And wait on the Lord.  

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You've Got a Friend in Me

I shared lunch with a great friends this week (as I do most weeks).  It made me thankful for the friendships I enjoy.  

I am blessed with an amazing group of people with whom I get to do life.  When I stop and think about it, I am spoiled to have so many friends who I would consider close, with whom I am confortable to share my life whether they are living in my house with me (shout out to my wonderful roommate!), down the road, in a different state, or a different time zone.

I find myself appreciating the relationships around me most when I approach them with intentionality. If I plan to have lunch with a friend and make sure that we don't just shoot the breeze and talk about the weather but really talk about what is going on in our lives and how we're struggling or what successes we've enjoyed, it makes our time together seem so much sweeter.  I feel like I have invested in our relationship instead of just having someone come over to eat.  I could have people who are just "lunch buddies" all day long.  But when I care enough to share my heart or ask them about theirs, real relationship happens.  And that's what it's all about. 

I'm a big proponent of discipleship.  And I think that largely means intentional relationship.  I have a friend who is older than me and further along in life than me with whom I meet every week (with few exceptions, we've been doing this for six years and some change).  We usually drink coffee and sit in her living room (or on her porch now that the weather's nice!) and share about our lives.  We often do a Bible study together or go through a book together, but mostly we just talk.  We talk about what challenges we're facing or what wins we've experienced.  I've learned from her as she's married and a mom and in a different stage of life than me.  We take time out of our lives to meet every week. To be intentional.  And it's worth it.  

So, I try to do the same thing with people who are  younger than me, who are in a different stage of life than me, but in the opposite way.  Maybe they're still in school or living with their parents or brand new to loving Jesus.  Maybe they can learn from me, but I've found that often I'm still the one learning.  

All this to say, I'm learning more and more how life is made so much sweeter when you share it with other people on purpose.  In fact, I'm meeting a new friend for coffee this afternoon.  Then catching up with some old ones later tonight.  I am one friend-blessed girl!

Just a handful of the wonderful people I get to call friends.  Love them.

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A Passage of Prayer

For the last several weeks, my pastor has been preaching out of Ephesians 3.  Ephesians 3:14-21 is a beautiful passage of exhortation and Paul's prayer for the church at Ephesus.  

This particular set of verses has been standing out to me the past couple weeks, and each time I've read it, I think about it being  great to pray over my family.

Though I don't have a family of my own just yet, I am beginning to pray through these verses over the family I do have, my future family, and even over the people in my life who I love like family.    

Every family has been named from the Father, including my future one.  I pray that we will be strengthened by the power of the Spirit, that we will have Christ in our hearts through faith, that we will be grounded in love.   I pray that we will know the greatness of Christ's love that is beyond our comprehension.  I'm thankful that God has plans for my family beyond all I could ask or imagine.  I pray that my family will glorify the Lord for generations, from now into eternity.

Do you have a specific passage that is special for your family or for you?  Do you have verses you pray for yourself or others?    

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Conference Debrief

The last couple weeks have been a whirlwind at best with two back-to-back weekend conferences in Philadelphia, PA and Austin, TX.

I have mixed emotions about times like these.  I love the adventure of being a jet setter, but I hate the inconsistency of it.  I love the new experiences I get to have, but I hate missing out on my normal, wonderful routine.  I love meeting new people, but I hate not seeing my friends for so long.  You get the picture.

The good news is this:  I had a great time, I got to turn another state green on my travel map, and now I'm back home to catch up on life and try to create a new normal based on all I was exposed to over the last two weekends.

My primary purpose in attending these conferences is to share about the ministry of Living Bread with attendees.  But one of the perks is that I get to sit in on some of the sessions and have my own life challenged, too.  

Conference numero uno was The Justice Conference in Philly.  This conference is all about social justice, and the theme for 2013 (and since it was in Philadelphia) was "Justice and Liberty for All."  This is a very trendy topic in our culture right now, so the conference was attended by lots of people from lots of different backgrounds with lots of different stories but with a common goal - advancing justice around the world.  A couple quotations from Justice Conference founder Ken Wytsma that resonated with me were:

When you learn about justice, you're studying God.  When you're studying God, you learn about justice.

Just because we can't fix the world doesn't mean that we can't change it.

The second conference (the one from which I just returned) was Verge13 in Austin.  This one challenged me a little more than Justice because it focused on something that's a little bit closer to my heart: discipleship.  The theme was disciple making, and each speaker shared about some facet of this key element of Christ-following.  Because that's what Christ-following is: being a disciple of Christ.  

I have long been a proponent of discipleship - having intentional relationships with someone older (who can disciple you) and someone younger (who you can disciple) - but this weekend challenged my thinking on the topic as a whole and how I live it out day-by-day and week-by-week.  Here are a few quotes that stood out to me this weekend:

The consequences of casual, cultural Christianity are eternally tragic. - David Platt

We are all making disciples.  Are we making disciples of Christ? - Jeff Vanderstelt

The key to the health and sustainability of the church is not more evangelism but discipleship. - Alan Hirsch 

I'm still processing a lot of the information overload I experienced over the last several days, so I'm sure these will be topics of further discussion, but I just wanted to get an initial reaction down in writing.  I'm so thankful to live and work in an environment that is so conducive to being challenged and grown as a result. 

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2013 - More than Enough

In the spirit of new years posts...here's mine.  

I don't like to make resolutions.  I do, however, like the new-start feeling that comes along with starting a new calendar.  Also, I like to have some kind of theme for the year.  Nothing too crazy, but some sort of catch phrase or the like to guide my mindset for the next twelve months.  This was my theme from last year.  Maybe I'll do a reflection post on how that went for me.

Over the past couple weeks, I have been praying about what this year's theme (or whatever you want to call it) would be.  Without the A-HA! moment I was hoping for, I've settled on this:  More than Enough.

The theme is twofold.  

First is the issue of contentment in Christ.  He is more than enough for me.  I think of Chris Tomlin's song "Enough":

All of you is more than enough for all of me, For every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with your love, And all I have in you is more than enough.

Every longing and desire I have should ultimately be met in Christ.  He may use other people or things in the process, but in him I should find my satisfaction and wholeness and completeness and contentment.  I am created to need him to be whole, and he can fill that need in my life.  So this year, in the midst of whatever longings or desires in which I find myself, I need to turn to Christ because he is more than enough to meet my needs.  

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us... Ephesians 3:20

Second is the issue of excess.  I'm not sure why this is so much at the forefront of my mind lately, but it is.  I have more than I need in most areas of my life.  More clothes than I need.  More shoes than I need.  More mugs than I need.  More pillows than I need. More you-name-it than I need.  

I have so much stuff.  I like to call myself a keeper instead of something crazy like a hoarder, but seriously.  So. much. stuff.  The issue is that I become sentimentally attached to things because of the memories attached to them.  For example, I don't want to get rid of that shirt I never wear anymore because so-and-so gave it to me or because I wore it this one time to this one place and if I get rid of it, I'll never remember that thing with the guy at the place (Ocean's Eleven reference, anyone?).  And I need to fight that.  I am not called to cram my house with stuff so that I can remember or feel comfortable or fulfilled or proud.  I am called to generosity and simplicity so that I am not distracted by comfort or convenience or even memories at the expense of my life bringing glory to the Lord.

I've started fighting this fight.  I have gone through my closet, taken pictures of things I want to remember instead of keeping them forever, and become much more acutely aware of my stuff.  But I still have a long way to go, and this year, I want to be consistently reminded of this battle.  Because it's not so much a battle against having too many pairs of shoes as much as it is a battle in my heart not to value things as an idol.  I may want a bigger, beautiful house that can more easily fit all my stuff and has a dining room so I can use placemats, but that is not as important as me trusting the Lord to provide for my needs and seeing my things as tools with which I can bless others.  He has given me more than enough to meet my needs, so I need to turn around and give to others instead of keeping things for myself for whatever silly reason I can think of.

And he said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.  Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse or barn, and yet God feeds them.  Of how much more value are you than the birds! [...] And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried.  For all the  nations of the world seek these things, and your Father knows you need them.  Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. [...] For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  Luke 12: 22-24, 29-31, 34

So there you have it, folks!  2013 - More than Enough

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All the Single Ladies

(Two things before I get started.  1.  This is not just for single ladies.  Single gentlemen might appreciate this, too, though I apologize in advance for my female perspective.  Sorry, it's all I've got.  2. It's long.  I'm sorry.  I kind of got to rambling.  But it's all good stuff, me thinks.  Ok, here we go.)

I recently listened to a podcast that was hosting an interview with Steve DeWitt, a pastor in Indiana.  His unique story of being a pastor (a senior pastor at that) and single until he recently tied the knot at age 44 gives him a platform to discuss singleness and ministry on a level that most can't share.  Just before he got married, he gave a sermon titled The Bachelor Pastor that touches on some important points of singleness that really resonated with me.  I encourage you to listen to/read his story and be encouraged by it.  Here are my thoughts on some things he said.

Having been single (in an I'm-not-married way) all my life and single (in an I'm-not-dating-anyone way) for the last six years, I could relate to a lot of thing things DeWitt said and experienced.  He wanted to get married and was verbal about it.  I tend to be that way, too.  He was consistently having people ask him about why he's still single.  I get that a lot.  And by a lot I mean a lot more than a lot.  (I have yet to come up with a really good reason...) He perhaps overvalued marriage in his life.  I think I do that far more that I should.  

While marriage will be a blessing that I will prayerfully get to experience someday, more often than not too much weight is placed on marriage as a precursor to "real life" or "being a grown up" or the like.  And I'm to blame for that as much as anyone.  In the grand scheme of life, what is most important? Living for the glory of the Lord.  Is marriage required for that?  No.  DeWitt said "We tend to celebrate the gift of marriage more than we celebrate the gift of singleness."  He makes good points about weddings and anniversaries being super exciting and sweet celebrations (and they should be), but there is a significant disparate when it comes to parties for those of us who have not yet tied the knot.  (Thinking about this makes we want to throw an I'm-still-single party.  Do you think people will still bring presents?)  "The Bible does not look down on singleness," notes DeWitt.  I think that's good for me to remember because sometimes it seems like the church does.  

All that to say, we tend to focus on the blessing of marriage, but not on the blessing of singleness.  And yes, I actually believe singleness is, and should be, a blessing.  Don't ask me on a day when all I see on facebook are people getting engaged and I've just watched the sappiest chick flick in my library, but most days, I do see my singleness as a gift.  [Disclaimer to any future boo of mine who might be reading this:  I do see my singleness as a gift, but I will so look forward to different gifts that come with dating/marriage and will welcome them with open arms.  And hugs.  Hugs require open arms, too.  The gifts of singleness are just different than the gifts of non-singleness, so I'm just trying to enjoy and be thankful for what I've got while I've got it.  I do not value these things over being with you, but I am trying not to value being with you over these things.]  Because I'm single, I have more opportunities to be flexible with my schedule and when I travel and how I spend my money.  Because I'm single, I can more easily serve in ministry (both at my church and otherwise).  Because I'm single, I don't have to shave my legs as often (sorry for any dudes reading this, but it's true, and it's a perk).  If I had gotten married fresh out of college like I expected I would, the last few years of my life would look drastically different, and I have loved the last few years and would be sad to miss out on the memories I've made.

Then there's the whole spiritual side of things.  I think marriage is certainly a great opportunity for men and women to glorify the Lord in that specific context.  Selflessness, unconditional love, you know, all those good things.  But marriage is temporary.  It's a fleeting institution in light of eternity.  It only exists in this world and not in the world to come.  Yes, it's important here and should be a beautiful picture of Christ's love for the church.  It's a means of having the most intimate of human relationships.  But it's scope of impact doesn't last beyond this life.  My relationship with the Lord and the fruitfulness of my ministry should have zero correlation with my marital status.  Though a marriage would certainly impact my ministry and change it in many ways (and these changes will be met with open arms, as I previously mentioned, you may recall), I alone am responsible for how I invest the resources that I have been given and my personal commitment to Christ.  Yes, a marriage will have a significant impact on these things, especially being the woman who will have to submit to the leadership of a husband, but I cannot expect my husband to do the heavy lifting of MY spiritual walk.  

But I'm so lonely sometimes!  And won't marriage fix that?  (I'm not proud to admit I think this sometimes.)  DeWitt asserts, "God never intended marriage or singleness to be the sources of our contentment."  I've often heard that some of the loneliest people are married.  (And I believe that can be true. As a single person, I don't expect there to be anyone holding my hand through things.  I go it alone, and it can be a lonely road.  But I cannot imagine the loneliness of having a person who SHOULD be going through something with me but still feeling alone.)  But it's hard to internalize as a single chick.  I would expect that having a husband would be awesome.  Someone's always there to take the garbage out and watch a movie with (ok - let's be honest...and be a pillow for me while he watches a movie) and pray with me in the morning and all the other nice things I imagine could come with marriage.  These may be realistic expectations, but they may not be.  And I am always the one responsible for how I feel or for how I respond to a situation like loneliness.  My contentment depends on me and my Jesus.  Not me and my hubster (or lack thereof).

So where do I do go from here?  I just been mulling over these things in my head for the past couple weeks or so and rambling on this blog for the past couple paragraphs or so, but now what?  DeWitt doesn't leave this part out of his message.  He says, "Be the kind of Christian man or woman that a godly Christian man or woman would find attractive: a life that is lived to the love of God."  I can do that.  I can depend on Jesus for my contentment.  I can invest in my relationship with Christ (which hopefully my future Mr. will totally dig).  I can spend my time in a way that brings glory to the Lord.  I can work to weed out sinful areas of my life like pride and selfishness.  I can learn patience as I wait on God's timing for my main man to make his grand appearance.  After all, "There's nothing more annoying in all the world than whiney, single Christians," knowingly notes DeWitt.  

So if the Bachelor Pastor can wait until he's 44 to marry his leading lady, my 25 year old self can continue to love on Jesus until the time he brings that special someone into my life (or until the time he comes again or calls me home, to get all churchy).   I can keep living my life not in a waiting-for-it-to-start kind of way but in an I'm-already-living-to-the-fullest kind of way.   I can serve the Lord with my singleness while I've got it.  I can pray hopefully and expectantly for the Lord to bless me with a wonderful Mr.  At the end of the day, I may be a single lady, but I don't have to be a miserable, lonely, bored, and single lady!

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Resolution Revisited

I will sing of steadfast love and justice;

    to you, O Lord, I will make music.

I will ponder the way that is blameless.

    Oh when will you come to me?

I will walk with integrity of heart

    within my house;

I will not set before my eyes

    anything that is worthless.

I hate the work of those who fall away;

    it shall not cling to me.

A perverse heart shall be far from me;

    I will know nothing of evil.

Psalm 101:1-4, ESV

A couple New Years ago, I decided to make these my theme verses for the upcoming year.  I read them again this week and realized they are just as worthy a goal for my life now as they were then.

These words are more challenging than they may seem at first glance.  How many things do I ponder that are "blameless" or what might I spend time thinking about or looking at that is of no eternal value or "worthless?"  Do I really spend time praising the Lord for his steadfast love and his justice?  Do I live every day "with integrity of heart" and flee from a "perverse heart?"  Do I truly "know nothing of evil?"  

All these things are easier said than done, but the benefit of closeness with my Jesus as a result of my personal holiness and purity in my life more than outweighs the challenge.  These are fights well worth fighting because the victories are so worth it.  

New Year's resolution?  Not really.  Daily resolution?  Absolutely.

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Status Quo

I love the way the Lord works in my life.  So often there will be a lesson he is teaching me, and it seems that everything I experience points directly toward the specific message I need to hear or truth I need to internalize.  

Right now that lesson is...well, it's hard to label it precisely.  But here's the gist of it.  Don't settle for "normal."  Don't settle for what the world says is normal or right or good.  Strive for what the Lord says best.  And that looks weird to the world.  Even to most Christians it might look weird.  And weird is ok if that's what God says.  

Most 25-year-old ladies are working to establish a career, set up a 401(k), get married, set goals for their future, buy a nicer car, expand their wardrobe, and buy more shoes.  And I want all these things (except maybe the 401(k), but that's a completely different issue).   None of these things are inherently wrong, but if these things are not solely for the glory of the Lord, then wrong would be an appropriate descriptor.  If what I do is anything other than glorifying the Lord, it is wrong because my purpose in this life and for all of eternity is to bring glory to God.

A friend and I are reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan together right now.  This is one of the avenues the Lord is using to drive home this message in my life.  He challenges the accepted norm of the American "Christian" life that sees complete commitment to the Lord as crazy with these words:

"If one person 'wastes' away his day by spending hours connecting with God, and the other person believes he is too busy or has better things to do than worship the Creator and Sustainer, who is the crazy one?  If one person invests her or his resources in the poor--which, according to Matthew 25, is giving to Jesus Himself--and the other extravagantly remodels a temporary dwelling that will not last beyond his few years left on this earth, who is the crazy one?" (p. 136)

This is amid a chapter of his book describing some indicators of a life that is genuinely obsessed with Jesus.  I love the description of obsession as "a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated" from urbandictionary.com (Disclaimer: I do not find urbandictionary.com as an authority on definitions or pretty much anything).  Maybe being labeled as obsessed wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Francis Chan goes on to say this, which summarizes the challenge of my life as of late:

"Obsessed people are more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo.  A person who is obsessed with Jesus will do things that don't always make sense in terms of success or wealth on this earth." (p. 136-137)

A devotional I read recently reinforces this point:

"Though I [God] have brought many pleasures into your life, not one of them is essential.  Receive my blessings  with open hands.  Enjoy my good gifts, but do not cling to them.  Turn your attention to the Giver of all good things, and rest in the knowledge that you are complete in me.  The one thing you absolutely need is the one thing you can never lose: my presence with you" (Sarah Young in Jesus Calling, 2011, p. 298).

I'm not sure exactly how this should play out in my life or what it needs to look like in my specific situation, but I do know that it looks significantly different than the life I currently live.  I do know that it will take me out of my comfort zone.  I do know that it will require some hard decisions.  Decision that are hard because they go against what is accepted as "normal" or "sensible."  Decisions that are hard because I'm not used to trusting God on a literal, practical level.  My "trust" in the Lord has basically only been on a theoretical level my whole life.  I have trusted the Lord for my next meal, knowing that my kitchen is full of food.  I have trusted the Lord to cover my bills, knowing that my next paycheck would be direct-deposited into my bank account at the end of the month.  But living a life of complete commitment to the Lord requires real trust and may be out of the area I have determined to be my comfort zone.

It's countercultural to hold loosely the things of this world.  Materialism is normal. Being busy is normal.  Being selfish is normal.  Being independent and self-reliant is normal.    But these are the opposite of the Lord's calling for my life and for the lives of all those who claim the name of Christ.  First Corinthians 1 explains that the world sees the life committed to the Gospel of Christ as foolishness and folly.  

So this is the lesson I'm learning.  And I fear I will need to keep learning this lesson over and over again on a daily basis until the day Jesus calls me home.  But until then, I will fight the urge to do what is expected.  I will fight the urge to settle for the status quo.  I will fight the urge to avoid being called weird or foolish by the world.  I will fight to live a life obsessed with Jesus.

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Spring

Today is the first day of spring.  March 20.  Why it's not tomorrow on the 21st which I thought was spring equinox, I'm not sure.  Either way, a new season is upon us!

I love new seasons.  I love spring.  I won't say it's my favorite season because I can be largely noncommittal when it comes to favorites.  I LOVE spring, but if I say it's my favorite, what about summer? And fall? And winter? (Ok - definitely NOT winter, though I like a good snow once in while, but summer and fall would give spring a run for its money!)  

Favorite or not, spring has something wonderfully special about it.  There is something about the new beginning and fresh start of it that stirs my heart.  I love these lines from Nichole Nordeman's song Every Season:  

And everything that's new has bravely surfaced, teaching us to breathe.  

What was frozen through is newly purposed, turning all things green.  

So it is with you and how you make me new with every season's change,  

And so it will be as you are recreating me...summer...autumn...winter...spring.

There are a million things about spring that leave me a little speechless:  the beautiful, flowering trees we have here in Virginia (The dogwoods haven't bloomed yet, but they're my favorites!), the bright green color of brand new leaves starting to appear, the smell of lawns being mowed for the first time of the season, the promise of the warmer weather and the longer days to come, the power of a thunderstorm bringing the rains that keep things growing, flowers popping up in places they were all but forgotten like little surprises all over, and most of all, the picture all this is of the amazing redemption of the Lord.  

Just like the season gets to start new, so do we.  When we invite Jesus into our hearts and let him wipe our sinful slate clean, he lets us have a spring of our own.  I don't have to live in darkness or gloom.  I can have the joy of sunshine and the beauty of the most stunning spring blossom.  Forgiveness is overwhelming.  I don't deserve it ever, even for a minute, but it is so freely offered to us to are willing to accept it.  I am beyond thankful for the steadfast love of Christ and the forgiveness He offers.  New leaves aren't just for the trees in my yard; they're for people, too.  And it's not just a one-time deal either.  He doesn't give up on me, and he's there to offer me a new beginning every morning.  These are the things that stir my heart in the springtime.    

So today ushers in spring, and it was a perfect day for it complete with a day of sunshine and an evening of those strong and loud thunderstorms.  This spring, amid these sunny-rainy-cheery-blooming-green-growing days, I am especially moved by the peace I find in the forgiveness of my Lord, the promise of new beginnings, and the surprises of the future.

"Let us press on to know the Lord;

his going out is sure as the dawn;

he will come to us as the showers,

as the spring rains that water the earth."

Hosea 6:3

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Light as a Feather

You know that feeling after you complete a sizable task?  Getting to check something off the ol' to-do list.  A burden lifted.  One less thing to worry about.  That's how I feel after I submit final grades for the course(s) I teach.  Papers have been graded.  Scores have been calculated (not by me, thanks to Grade Center in Blackboard).  Done.  Check. Moving on.


The exciting part is thinking about all the things to which I can look forward now that I don't have (as much) grading to do:


Upcoming trip to California - I haven't really spent time on the west coast, especially not in my adult life so far.  Other than a trip to Oregon as a kid and a few layovers in LA and San Fransisco, I'm a first-timer and very much excited about it!


More time to read - I'm about a million books behind Miranda on our reading list (ok, not a million, 4, I think).  Not that it's a competition, but tracking together helps us both stay on pace to finish the list.  I'm about 170 pages into 1000+ page Gone with the Wind, so I better get moving!


Catching up on life - Am I the only one who feels like I'm always one or two steps behind?  I think it's my chronic problem with over-committing myself to everything and not leaving enough downtime or buffer in my life that is to blame.  Either way, I'm learning to say "no" more (not my strongest suit) and not feel guilty when I have nothing to do.  


I get so caught up in doing things that I often forget about being.  I don't want to have a million things to do and no time to do them.  I would rather have one or two things to do and plenty to time to do them to the best of my ability.  But unfortunately, the list of things to do keeps growing:  organize/print pictures for albums, clean the office, plant flowers out front, sort through closets to weed out things I don't wear, buy luggage, start thinking about packing for upcoming trips, etc., etc.  


As silly as it may sound, I really am looking forward to getting these things done.  It is an opportunity to worship through my activities and my time management. I have largely failed in this area thus far, so I'm praying that I can take steps toward being a good steward of my time.  I want to glorify the Lord in all things including (especially) the way I spend my time.  His desire is for me to be filled, not for me to be burnt out.  Yes, I need to do the things on my list, but I don't need to become overwhelmed and stressed about them.  


This is a constant battle I fight, so reading Oswald Chambers' words a few nights ago really struck a cord with me.  He says this relating to Matthew 6: 25 and 33:

Jesus did not say that the person who takes no thought for anything in his life is blessed— no, that person is a fool. But Jesus did teach that His disciple must make his relationship with God the dominating focus of his life, and to be cautiously carefree about everything else in comparison to that.

I like that.  "Cautiously carefree."  These are words that I would like to be used about me someday.  I want to live with a certain wisdom and caution, but I also want to be able to have a light, carefree air about me.  Do things on a whim knowing that I haven't neglected any of responsibilities.  Prayerfully, that's where I'm headed.


So, here's to being cautiously carefree and light as a feather!

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