"Wasn't it easier in your firefly-catching days?"
Thank you, Taylor Swift, for this lyric that so accurately speaks my feelings right now. Lately, I've found myself wondering how and when did I grow up? I have such a big-girl life now. A for-real job. A house. A car. Car repairs. Responsibility.
It seems like just yesterday I was running around in shorts and shanilas (Tagalog for flipflops), climbing trees or riding bikes with my brothers. Or learning to swim. Or itching to be old enough to get my driver's license. Or studying for my first college final exam. Or counting down the days till commencement.
But this morning I woke up in a bed that I bought, in a house where I pay the bills (well, not REALLY cause I'm housesitting right now, but normally, I would). I go to work all day, come home from work to some evening commitment or grading for the online classes I teach. No playing out in the sunshine or climbing trees. Not that I don't have fun, but it's a different kind of fun that you get to have as a 20-something than you had as a kid. A less carefree fun. A yes-I'm-having-fun-but-I-know-I-have-responsibilities-to-keep-in-mind fun.
This is seeming a bit depressing as I'm rereading it. It's not that I'm not enjoying this chapter of life and the independence I have. This is the time when I'll have the most flexibility and the most means more than any other time. So I really do enjoy this time. Honest! I like being able to up and drive to PA for the weekend without having to ask anyone's permission. I like being able to go shopping online and buy something just because I can. I like calling my own shots. It's just that some days and weeks (like this one), I miss the young innocence and freedom of the kid version of myself. I mean, who wouldn't miss this?
I just keep reminding myself that fireflies can be caught by big girls, too.
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